THE WAR AGAINST NICE GUYS

An unfortunate by product of the rightful outrage by women in the USA for a number of recent issues involving unjust and wrong treatment such as various high school and college sexual assaults incidents that were not handled by administrators correctly and were swept under the rug or ignored altogether, minimizing of sexual assault when it is committed by an athlete or other celebrity, Elliot Rodgers shooting murders, catcalling, gamergate etc. is the attack on “nice guys” by some women.

A nice guy is described as a man who tries to pick up or talk to a woman, finds out she is not interested then responds in some verbally abusive way.  At some point, he either described himself or was described as a “nice guy” – well mannered and not devious or overly forceful in his dealings with women.

I’m not sure how we arrived at this as most of the kind of guys in the behavioral incidents I mentioned above would not classify themselves as nice guys nor would they want to be as they feel this would not help them be attractive to American women who are supposed to be attracted to assholes.

First off, if he’s verbally abusive, he’s not a nice guy so I’m not sure why that description is used except in quotes in an ironic sense.

Second, why is this type of man the priority in discussions about change in male behavior instead of the athlete/frat boy/type A male which is still a bigger problem for most women?

I can only speak anecdotally about my experience as a single man in America - a lot of American women don’t respect a guy who holds doors open nor uses please and thank you not to mention is well mannered when it comes building up to a sexual relationship.   As someone who is somewhat conservative about gender matters and a gentleman on dates, most American women were not that interested in me which was fine as I never had any interest in them and only dated foreign born women (I am married to a Malaysian).  In Asia, the attributes of a gentleman are still prized plus Asian women are much more physically attractive and generally take better care of themselves. 

I don’t however blame American women for this nor work this into some sort of larger narrative about how women are no good.  The problem is capitalism colliding with the puritan based Christianity of the pioneers that settled large parts of the country.  America sexually is screwed up stuck between hypersexual displays that sexualise everything and prioritize sex in a way that is not healthy and a holdover puritanism that still preaches abstinence, homophobia, and restrictions on abortion.

American women are vulgar, materialistic and kind of gross but so is the culture that spawned them (and so are the men that live there).

Also I’d just like to say about the term “friendzone” – Men bring this on themselves. Hanging around with a woman in a platonic friendship hoping she’ll like you is masochistic!  I learned early on that only creates frustration and a phony foundation for a relationship with another person, also it's dishonest.